HNT

Bad day!

Dressed to the nines and you are nowhere around.  Well, yeah, you are, but then I have to seek you out beacuse you are glued into your cubicle.  Do you trust yourself so little around me?  On some level its rather flattering and certainly empowering, but otherwise it sucks because I'll be damned if I am going to throw myself at you so I never see you.  Is this the "pride goeth before a fall moment"?  I want to throw my pride in the nearest trash can and grovel but I also know the futility.  Aren't I a ray of sunshine?

Indoor Construction

Painting and laying new floors.  If you don't hear from me for more than a day or two at a time, you might want to alert the law.  I am either dead or in hiding for having having killed him.  I do not have the patience for this. 

Keeping thoughts of you at bay...

Today I have managed to stay super busy and haven't thought of you much, until I think about how I haven't thought of you much.  I feel so foolish, obsessing over you like some love sick school girl.  I really do need my head examined!

Exquisitely Tired!

Bone weary today.  Days like this I am glad that the husband is no longer interested in sex as he would surely be pestering me.  I know this because, back in the day, he had the most uncanny knack of pinching me on a nipple (his idea of romance!) when I was so tired I could barely move and then get angry when I wasn't responsive.  He also never seemed interested in making me interested.  I either was ready or I wasn't.  Kinda like a bitch in heat, only not!

So, I am glad that you aren't here either, because I swear to God, I would want to fuck you til I fell asleep which would be embarrassingly quick.

My First HNT!

Where to Start...

Its been a good/not good week.  I have seen you alot this week.  You even complimented my choice of clothing on Monday (you like those blouses that accentuate my feminine attributes (or big tits to you!) and I like showing them off.  We are well suited to each other!  I want you so badly, its obsessive.  You are in my mind all the time, but I dare say that is where you will stay now. 

On the home front, things remain the same. Its crazy and to admit I am as unhappy as I am is difficult.  Especially knowing there is little or nothing to be done about it.

Monday

My mind keeps jumping ahead as if tomorrow were Monday and I would see you again.  Is this sick?  Seeing you is all that matters.  We don't have to touch, speak, interact in anyway, all I need to do is see you and I am oddly at peace. 

Geez, let's fight over something else stupid!!

Well, well, well.

What do you know?  You are still speaking to me! Its mundane BS, but it was a conversation with smiles and well wishes.  I watched your eyes the whole time.  They never strayed from mine (no boobie check) but when you saw me earlier in the day you managed to scope out what I was wearing. 

I have a feeling that the only way you can make good on your commitment to curtail our physical activity is to avoid me completely.  I am not going to let that happen.  You are going to have to find another way!

Tomorrow...

I more than likely won't see you tomorrow.  Anymore than I have seen you for the last couple of weeks unless I am seeking you out. But you won't be there to be sought!

I am so torn.  It would be so easy to walk over to your desk and make you see me.  Much as you might like me to be, I am not invisible.  But I do have my pride and I am not going to force my presence on you.  If you chose to avoid me,  I just don't know what could come of me seeking you out at your desk when I know that you are there.   It would really just make us both uncomfortable.

I just can't love you back, I guess.  Sucks.

Follow Me!

Who'd have thought Uncle Kracker could have put my feelings in words?!

"I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
'Cause as long as no one knows then nobody can care
Your feelin' guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared,"

Today

Will today bring a glimpse of you?  The back of your head, perhaps a smile? I miss you so.

Coward!

Seriously Losing My Mind

I got up at 3:35 am to get ready for work.  That was 5 minutes late!  Rushed around, got dressed, look sharp and go.  Get there and the gate is closed, which was very weird.  Went to the back gate and when I was talking to guard, inquired as to why the other gate was closed only to be informed it was Sunday.  Well, fuck me running! 

So I left and went over to the casino where I dropped a $20 in a slot machine and won $90!  I decided I should go home and as I was leaving the door guard wolf whistled at me!  Its so funny to get that kind of attention.  Another man said "You are sure pretty today!" 

Hell of a way to start the day.

Walk Away?

I could walk away from this marriage and never look back.  Not in anger, or disappointment, or longing for what might have been.  I just feel like it has run its course. 

Of course, the economy is a real factor, sadly so, that will keep me going to bed in the same room doing the same nothing I have been doing for far too long. 

I may be craving affection and even a good roll in the hay, but I am not willing to commit financial suicide for it.

Someday

I have so much to spill!  Emotions running rampant with no outlet! Thoughts that have no voice!  One of them is:

I will always be there.  If circumstances determine that you and she find yourselves solo, please find me.  There has never been a man in my life quite like you.  I know I could never trust you and you could never trust me, (the down side of cheating), but dear god, I could suck your dick until you came 10,000 times and never be tired of it. Your kisses intoxicate me and you can eat pussy with the best of them. 

How did I find someone like you in such an inopportune time of my life?

What is He Thinking?

The order of the following He(s) is not important.  I just have to give them numbers to distinguish that there are two of them. 

He #1 - What is are you thinking?  I have worked so hard.  I have lost this weight, I am smoking hot (see He #2)!  I have beautiful breasts and long sexy legs.  I can hold my own against most women I know.  Yet, while you are often complimentary, you are not inspired to action.  Despite everything short of a written invitation, you make no move.  I am flustered.  I have come to believe that your draw to her has forever destroyed anything we might have had in the past.  I almost wish you could have her then I could go on.

He #2 - What are you  thinking?  You suck me into this luscious affair.  You flirt and cajole and do everything but beg.  You remind me that I am, indeed, beautiful and desirable and then develop a case of the guilties?  Really?! 

Maybe I need a female lover?  Men are certainly a pain in the ass!

Quiet

Finally, a quiet place to put my thoughts without having to worry who might see, as if they really cared.  Only those that I chose to share with.  Hmmm!  I think I need this!